|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
All materials on this website are copyrighted. Copyright © 2005-2008 by The Trustees of Columbia University in the City of New York. All rights reserved.
Mac users: please note that our site is optimized for the Safari browser. |
I am a student at Columbia College who has a big crush on a friend of mine. While we are pretty close, I am not interested in ruining a good relationship if he isn't interested. The thing is that I have begun recently picturing myself married to this guy in thirty years and seeing him across the breakfast table talking about our kids. I've never felt this way about a guy before. It has usually been more superficial. I keep meaning to tell him but I get really shy because of my fear of destroying our friendship. I think about him often. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Looking for a little advice from a third party
Dear Looking for a little advice from a third party,
First of all, slow down. Thirty years is a long time from now -- especially if you don't know if the feelings are mutual. Considering that you're good friends, how about talking with him about how you feel? Let him know that maintaining the friendship is your top priority, but that you're feeling attracted and interested in something more. Check it out with him -- maybe he's feeling the same thing, or maybe he's not. But, if you emphasize the friendship, at least you have something to fall back on, if the interest is not mutual. And, Alice wouldn't bring up the breakfast table thing with him during that first discussion; it has major potential to scare him away quickly. Slow down, pick a time and place where he won't feel threatened, and you both can talk about where your relationship is and where you'd each like it to go. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Related Q&As
Go Ask Alice! is not an emergency or instant response service.