Dear Alice,
I am an undergrad at Columbia College. I've been going out with a girl
here for the past six months. Last weekend I went home (out of NY) and
fooled around with an ex-girlfriend. She called me last night and told me
that she might have a venereal disease. She went to the doctor this week
and told me she would let me know when she finds out for sure. We didn't
use a condom.
My problem is, what should I tell my girlfriend? I really love her and
don't want to ruin things because of this stupid fling I had. But I can
tell she's annoyed that I've avoided her all weekend. I can't
exactly tell her next time we get together that I don't feel like fooling
around, but I don't know how long it will be before I know if I'm
infected. And what do I do if I am? Help!
—Desperate
Dear Desperate,
The first thing to do is to make an appointment for a full STI checkup.
Explain to your health care provider your recent experience, your reason
for concern, and any specific info your ex-girlfriend may have given you
— i.e., what venereal disease she may have, what symptoms she has, etc.
You can use the opportunity with the provider to get information about the
specific STI — symptoms, treatment, and prevention of transmission.
Get the info yourself rather than waiting for your ex — it will
likely relieve some of your anxiety.
As for how, when, and whether to tell your present girlfriend that you may
have an STI — Alice is one for honesty in relationships. It may not be
easy, but it is possible and important to be honest with your girlfriend.
It would probably help if you had some more information to
give her, because part of her reaction will include fear of
transmission of the STI to her. Be prepared for anger, jealousy,
incomprehension, and fear for herself. There's also a chance that
you may be surprised and she may be understanding and forgiving.
Whichever happens, you can deal with it.
- Alice
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Ex has STI
