—A concerned Mother

Dear A concerned Mother,

First, congratulations on becoming a non-smoker! Given that you've successfully quit, you know that it takes tremendous willpower and motivation. Most young people don't particularly want to quit, which can make kicking the butts especially difficult. Teens cite the social aspects of smoking, the stress they are under, and even the fact that it gives them something to do with their hands as reasons they smoke. When asked what would make them quit, some say "nothing would."

So, what might work to get young people to quit, or at least to cut down? Here are a few possibilities:

• Having a kissing relationship with a non-smoker, and an appeal from the non-smoker to stop tasting like an ashtray.
• An appeal by a parent, especially one who formerly smoked. Share your motivation for quitting, the challenges you faced in doing so, and how you overcame those challenges. Be genuine about the reasons you liked smoking and your ultimate motivation for quitting.
• A group decision to stop smoking among one's friends, possibly as a political statement.
• Free nicotine gum or patches, although this is only method, not motivation.
• Extra cash (think of all the money you could save and/or spend on something else!).
• A new way of thinking: smoking isn't cool.
• Setting house rules that limit the opportunity to smoke: no smoking in or near home, no smelling like smoke at home, smokers wash their own clothes, or whatever rules might make sense for your family.

Something else to consider: since you've spoken with your son about quitting, he is likely aware of the harmful health effects of smoking. Passive reminders about why smoking is unhealthy may not be effective as motivation to quit at this point in his life. A more effective tactic might be to continue to have open, respectful, calm, frank discussions with your son about your concern for his health and your hope he will quit. You can also ask questions like: What are the best reasons you can think of to quit? Do you see yourself as a smoker when you're an adult? What would make you feel ready to have your last cigarette? Having these types of conversations might help you and your son approach the issue as a team, rather than potentially feeling like adversaries.

As you know, your son is getting to the age where he has enough independence to make many decisions for himself, including whether he will smoke. You can set firm house rules and expectations to help guide and support your son as he begins to make adult decisions, like quitting smoking. You mention that your son has earned your trust in the past — entrusting him now with making his own decision about quitting smoking may help keep the paths of communication open, even if he continues to smoke for the time being. Knowing he can turn to you for support will be a great relief, whenever he decides to quit.

Wishing your family health,

Alice

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