Alice,
My friend and I have been involved in a long distance relationship for
six months now. We keep in touch with each other on a regular basis, calling
and visiting each other. I feel that the distance between us
will cause our relationship to end. We have been seeing each other for
a year and a half. What are our chances of being together in the future?
—Miles away
Dear Miles away,
As Alice looks into her crystal ball, she sees that there is another
way to think about your situation. The future, of course, is unclear, even
for Alice, so why not focus on the present? Your distance could be considered
a blessing in disguise, allowing you to come to know your friend in many
ways that close proximity could stifle. Proximity can breed taking for
granted the opportunity to talk at any time. It can also lead to physical
intimacy (Alice doesn't know if you are sexually intimate) before you are
both ready. Distance, combined with telephone calls and writing,
electronically or through snail-mail, can foster an enviable intimacy
which results from learning about another's qualities, values, ways of
thinking, sensitivities, dreams, and aspirations. This type of intimacy
can make your coming together much more special. Alice knows there
are some people, in circumstances similar to your own, who spend more time
writing their thoughts and feelings to the recipients of their affections
than they spend in face-to-face conversations with people they live
with, day in and day out. Many day-to-day relationships are characterized
by superficial conversation, and few, if any, meaningful heart-to-hearts.
So, Alice is suggesting that you not run away from your long-distance
relationship, but nurture and savor it.
It is important for you and your partner to talk about what you're feeling,
and what your concerns are. S/he may be wondering about the same things.
If being together on a daily basis is what both of you want, then you can
begin to strategize ways to make this happen. Will you need to wait until
you graduate? Can one of you transfer schools? Or change jobs? Leave
the possibility open, too, that you may continue in this coupleship for a
long time, and that would be okay, too. Alice believes there are many
"right" ways to be involved in a loving relationship.
- Alice
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The up side of a long distance relationship
