Thanks,
Needing A Lot of Help

It is courageous of you to seek information about your granddad's drinking, and to think about how it is affecting you and your family. For many people, recognizing and talking about alcoholism is very difficult. In fact, your own dad may not like for you to see your grandfather when he is drunk because of the embarrassment and shame that is usually connected with these types of issues.

You can try a number of different strategies in attempting to help your granddad. You may want to start by talking over your feelings and options with someone you trust — a family member, teacher, coach, friend's parent, or a counselor at your school. When thinking about what you'd like to do, remember that although you can offer help, your granddad has to admit his problem and seek support on his own. His drinking is not your fault, and whether he succeeds at addressing his drinking or not is ultimately up to him.

Your options range from subtle hints about your concerns, to outright requests that he stop drinking. Which approaches you feel comfortable with, and which are the most sensible, will depend in part on your relationship with your granddad. Have you ever had a heart-to-heart talk, or are you more distant? Do you see him often or only once in a while? Do you ever spend time with him alone, or always at large family gatherings? These are some questions to consider. Also think about your family's habits and your culture. How comfortable is your family talking about sensitive issues? Are they dealt with right out in the open or swept under the rug? Has anyone brought up the topic of your grandfather's drinking before?

Here are some ideas of things to try:

• Do some research about the services available in your community. Your local YMCA, church, synagogue, or community center probably offers a schedule of Alcoholics Anonymous and other self-help and support programs — for both your grandpa and for you and other family members. There's an organization called Alateen that has meetings all over for young people like you who have a family member or friend with a drinking problem.

• Speak with your granddad yourself about these programs, or ask another trusted family member to speak with him. Maybe an aunt, uncle, parent, older brother or sister, or grandmother would be willing to try.

• In either case, sit down and talk about what you'd like to say (or have your family member say) to your granddad before you actually do it. Focus on your concerns about him and how his drinking affects you and your family. For example, you can say something like, "Grandpa, you know I love you very much. When you drink, though, it's hard to spend time with you. I worry about your health and you act like a different person."

• Make sure to pick a quiet, private time to talk. "Attacking" your grandpa in front of the rest of the family will likely make him mad, defensive, and embarrassed. Also, talking with him when he's sober is important. Perhaps you could arrange to go on a walk together or sit in a coffee shop where you'll have some privacy.

• If talking doesn't seem like the right thing, you could try leaving some materials in visible places when you visit, or giving them to your granddad and explaining that you thought he might be interested.

• You can also offer to go with your granddad to one of the alcohol-related groups or meetings. This can help to show how much you care for him and how much you think he needs help.

Remember, you can tell your grandfather how you feel about his drinking, your worries about him, and offer help, but there's no magic wand for this sort of thing. Attending a group for family members of alcoholics or talking with a counselor can help you to feel supported yourself. There are millions of people struggling with your very same dilemma.

For more information and resources in your area, you can contact some or all of the following organizations:

Center for Substance Abuse Treatment

National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Hotline

1.800.662.HELP (-4357)

AL-ANON and ALATEEN

24-hour Meeting Information Line (U.S. and Canada):

1.888-4AL-ANON (8 AM - 6 PM EST, M - F)

General Information and Literature Order Line:

757.563.1600 (8 AM - 6 PM EST, M - F)

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

212.870.3400

National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA)

1.888.554.COAS/-2627

Children of Alcoholics Foundation

1.800.359.2623

Alice

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