|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
All materials on this website are copyrighted. Copyright © 2005-2008 by The Trustees of Columbia University in the City of New York. All rights reserved.
Mac users: please note that our site is optimized for the Safari browser. |
|
Nonconsensual relationships
|
What about emotional abuse?
Originally Published: July 28, 2000
~ Last Updated / Reviewed on: December 08, 2006
|
|
|
Dear Alice, I notice in your mental health section, you only have info on sexual abuse. What is emotional abuse? I've heard a lot about it lately, but it doesn't seem very real to me. How can simply being called names, or whatever, be as devastating as people say? Short of being threatened with murder, what people say is just words. Also, what is cruel and unusual punishment? I can't seem to find very good articles about emotional abuse on the web.
Thank you,
Dear Confused-by-media, Although emotional abuse is often not as easy to define as sexual or physical violence, it's quite serious, and it can be just as devastating as other types of abuse. Emotional abuse includes a wide variety of destructive behaviors, ranging from name calling to financial deprivation, from verbal threats to manipulation. Some of these characteristics are listed in Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. According to SafeHouse, emotional abuse is frequently used to break down the victim's will and bring her or him under control. Often in emotionally abusive relationships, the abuser uses derogatory names, continual put-downs, sexual harassment, withholding of money or child support, or other forms of destructive behavior to gain power over the other person. Emotional abuse is often continual, consistent, and, over time, can work to destroy someone's self-esteem. It's similar to brainwashing techniques that have sometimes been used by cults or during times of war. Abusers generally say things like:
Abusers can also sabotage their partner's support network by forbidding contact with others or by acting jealously and threatening punishment. This increases feelings of isolation, vulnerability, and separation. Sometimes someone who is being emotionally abused grew up in an abusive family. It can be hard for someone who hasn't been abused to understand how people can stay in harmful relationships. But, if a child grows up in a family that uses name-calling and put-downs, s/he may seek out the familiarity of abusive partners. You also mention "cruel and unusual punishment." This is a legal term that generally refers to child abuse cases or the treatment of prisoners. In the context of a peer partnership such as a relationship, punishment should never be used. Instead, when one partner is unhappy with the other, clear and open communication is justified. If there is unhealthy behavior in a relationship, there can be consequences, but punishment should not be part of partnerships. For example, if one partner is drinking too much, a consequence could be, "I want you to get counseling so we can work through this." For an extensive list of national and international resources, and for more information on domestic violence or various types of abuse, visit the Family Violence Prevention Fund web site, and click on "Links" under the "Resources" tab. The following archived Go Ask Alice! Q&As might also help you learn more about emotional abuse:
Columbia and Barnard resources:
Off-campus resources:
Related Q&As
|
Go Ask Alice! is not an emergency or instant response service.