I recognize the fact that you have a large amount of experience in your field and I have respected your advice before, but have you considered any other reasons for Self Injury aside from it being a call for help?

I am indeed a person who has faced and still faces a battle with SI and it is very hard for me to deal with. My life has been out of control in all respects for me. First, I was adopted and then when I was around the age of two, my parents divorced. My father has lived out of state for a large margin of my life and I haven't gotten the chance to know him as well as I like. Now I am fourteen and the scars on my body show some of the troubles I have been through.

SI occurs in people for a variety of reasons. I have a friend who is an anorexic cutter, another cuts so that she can feel alive and know that life isn't a dream in which we all know everything but fail to realize it. I cut so that I can see the pain within myself flow back into the world from whence it came. If SI was a call for help, many of the people who battle with it would be showing their scars and scabs to the world.

Thank you for your time.

~~Bleeding in Bliss~~

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(2)
Dear Alice,

Some people say that for people like us, people who self-mutilate, it is a way of looking for attention. Although for some people it may be, but for most, it's not. For most, it's a way of feeling better. People who don't hurt themselves don't know what it's like for us (those who do). They don't know the pain we go through and even if others got it worse, self-mutilation is our way of dealing with it. I'm not saying that it's right to hurt yourself, but I'm trying to get across a point that those who don't self-injure shouldn't look at us and pass judgment. I think that this topic is under-looked and should be more talked about to help people understand why we do it. I am a fifteen-year-old female self-mutilator who lives in South Africa and I've accepted my condition and am now looking for help. My parents know about it and haven't quite come to terms with it yet because they don't understand it; they think it's their fault, which it's not. I keep wondering what it would be like to walk around with a short sleeved top or a bikini, and there are many places that I want to go, but don't want to go, like the beach, because even if I wear a full swimsuit, my scars will still be seen. On hot days, I don't want to go out because if I do, I have to cover up most of my body, and it's because of my stupid decisions I now have to live with the consequences. Sometimes I do go out and bare my scars, not because I want to, but because I have to and on the rare occasion when I do go out, the looks I get from people really hurts me in a way I can't explain. It really does hurt and I'm sick and tired of hiding.

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(3)
Hi Alice,

My name is Gracie and I am fifteen-years-old. When I was about fourteen, I began cutting myself with a pocketknife. It was big things that made me cut at first — like people calling me fat and stuff like that, and me feeling trapped, feeling like I had no one to talk to. It was overwhelming. Well, this year things got worse. The boy I loved who had held me together through everything — I felt — and who I thought I was going out with told me he didn't like me like that. I fell apart, feeling like I had no one, I started to self-mutilate once again. First, I would burn my skin away with an electric nail filer. My best friend, Mikey, once told me that he was going to call an ambulance if I didn't stop because I was cutting myself when I was on the phone with him. Now, though, a year from when I first started cutting — the cutting is worse than ever — I use razor blades and cut even deeper into my skin than I would before, losing a lot of blood each time, and it's little things that make me cut — like I have a fight with my dad or something like that. The reason why I cut is because I feel like I have no way to deal with my problems, and it feels like when you cut, your problems gradually go away. If I could go back in time, I would make myself get help. It's important that I recognize myself as a beautiful person who is an individual and not let the thoughts of others forsake me. So, if you are contemplating self-mutilation — my advice is to not do it. Get help. Problems aren't worth cutting. The scars that are on my arm will be there forever — please keep this in mind if you are self-mutilating or contemplating doing so.

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(4)
Dear Alice,

Self-mutilation is often misunderstood by those who do not have this particular behavioral disorder. They cannot understand why a person would deliberately hurt themselves. People often catagorize it as a "cry for help." The fact is, a self-mutilator doesn't want the world to see their scars. A self-mutilator, for some reason or another, has never learned the vocabulary of expressing how they feel. All the dark, bad emotions bottle up inside until one finds a way to give them a way to escape. Often the "cutter" doesn't consciously make the decision to hurt themselves; they're compulsed to do so. There's a certain relief of seeing yourself bleed, of making yourself hurt on the outside so it doesn't hurt so much on the inside. (It's the same kind of idea as stepping on your toes so your headache doesn't hurt so much.)

There's a common thing that the self-mutilator needs: support. They need to know that someone is there to listen to them, no matter how stupid it may sound to themselves. Sometimes a person slips up; that's normal. Everyone needs to feel loved and cared for, and it's often hard for a self-mutilator to trust anyone with what they lock inside their hearts. How do I know all this? I'm 25-years-old and had started cutting and burning myself at the age of 16. No one knew about it until this year, when I wasn't careful enough to not be seen doing it. It's been about 6 months since I last cut myself, and I long ago gave up burning myself. Every day is a challenge in itself, but I take each day one at a time. And now, I have friends on my side, too.

To those who either engage in self-mutilation or those who live with a self-mutilator, I recommend the book Cutting by Steven Levenkron. I cried so many times reading that book because of how close to home it hit. It not only explains why the disorder surfaces in some people, but it describes how to help self-mutilators.

Thank you, and to all those people who do hurt themselves, you're not alone!!! There is no shame in seeking help to correct something you know isn't right!!!

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(5)
Hi Alice,

I am in a relationship where I have recently found out that my boyfriend has had a past habit of cutting himself. We have talked about this and he has reassured me that it was not going to happen again, but sure enough, when we got into an argument, he resorted to splitting his arm open with a piece of glass. Now I know for sure that his past habit was not left in the past. His friends and family know about his situation and have tried to help him before. Nothing has seemed to work, though. I feel that I am closer to him and that I may be able to have a more severe impact on his feelings on self mutilation. I will never be able to completely understand why he does this to himself, but I do know that to him it isn't a cry for help, but a reassurance that he is still alive. My advice to all readers is never to give up on the person who is abusing their body. Even if they don't agree with you at first, never leave their side and make them feel alone. If you can show them that you are enough, eventually they will care that much, too! To my boyfriend: I love you and want you to see your problem and know that I am always here! Please protect yourself!!

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(6)
Self mutilation is a hard thing to talk about, I know I have been there. Most people really do not really understand it. I myself have been a self mutilator for 6 years off and on, and I am very frustrated because people do not get it. Doctors thought I was crazy or that I was trying to get attention and that was not the case at all! I did it because I was angry at myself, it was a punishment. I know this sounds crazy and all.... But I think people should really try to understand it better and not make us feel so alienated...